One year.

One year.
One year ago today, I left Chicago to move to Edmonton.

Its been an interesting year, to say the least. Two years ago, I never would have thought that three days after graduation, I would be hopping on a plane to move to western Canada. Never. Its not really something that you plan on doing. Especially coming from Oak Park; you graduate, go off to college, and visit back home during every break. And growing up, thats what I thought I would be doing with my life post-OPRF. God had different plans for me.

If there's been one lesson that I've learned since coming here, its that so much of life is wasted by sugar-coating our situations to the world simply on the premise that we need to appear more put-together than those around us. Its this belief that prompts me to change the tone in which I talk about my circumstances: this move sucked.
I wish that I could say that it was hard, but I persevered and made it through and wouldn't change my experiences for anything. I wish that I could say that I made so many friends and always found joy because of their presence in my life. I wish I had stories of immersing myself in Canadian culture and loving my year up here to share. But I would be lying simply for the sake of lying if I said that.
Its a different culture up here; one that I have determined that I don't particularly fit in with. The christian feminist who desires to build her career doesn't bode too well in a society where so many women get married at 19 and work retail until they have kids and then become a stay-at-home mom. It almost felt as if I was accepted until people actually talked to me and found out who I was, then I suddenly was somehow less worthy of acceptance.
I've had a hard year. I struggled with leaving my friends, and only seeing their faces over Skype. I had to leave two situations which were harmful to my mental well-being, which also left me completely alone with no community. I missed my family at First Pres RF and Spotlight Oak Park every single day. I worked hard to handle the depression which has plagued me for the past 5 years of my life.

But I did it.

I didn't lose hope that I AM returning home. I never let myself believe that I would be stuck in Canada for the rest of my life. I somehow held onto hope that greater things were in store for me than the current sufferings that I was facing, and let that pull me through.
This by no means that I am now suddenly perfectly OK with my circumstances simply because its the end of a blog post and thats what you do. Not in the slightest. I cried my eyes out this morning because everything is seemingly more difficult for me and my family than for everyone else around me. I cry myself to sleep more times than I'm willing to admit. My life literally consists of going to work, coming home and skyping my friends back home, and sleeping.
I get filled with so much anger that its been a whole year and I'm still suck in Canada. I burst into tears when I see pictures from backstage during performances, or posts about how fun the broomball tournament was at Timber-lee this year. Everyday, I think about the fact that while I sleepwalk through my life, my friends are having the summer of their life.
I don't want you to think that I am wallowing in my misery or anything of that sort. I want to paint an accurate picture of how my life looks, rather than a sappy blog post that ends with everything magically becoming perfect.
There is, however, one aspect of my story that changes everything.
Christ.

You see, I don't have everything together. Clearly. If I did, I would be sitting in an air conditioned house in Chicago right now, avoiding that humidity that makes you want to shower forever. What changes my story is that, Christ DOES have everything together. He knows exactly why I'm here, the outfit I'll wear when I fly back home, the exact grade I'll get on my first midterm of college. He has full control over my life, and he WILL make all things work together for my good. Does thing mean that I suddenly don't miss my life back home? Not a chance. What it means is, he's running the show so I don't have to.

And that and that alone is where I find my strength.

Chicago, I CAN'T WAIT to see you soon.
John 16:33
-Sarah