End of year reflections and resolutions.

As the new year comes, I decided to do what I do every year around this time, and reflect on the past twelve months. What threw me for a loop this time was that I seemingly lost 6 months. I tried using the Facebook feature for '2013' in review, but after June, there was practically nothing.
The time that I've spent up here has been a learning experience. It has shaped me beyond what I was expecting. I had to learn the hard way that I cannot rely on people for my happiness, and God has to be my sustenance. I've worked a fairly intensive job and have gotten a taste of what the real world is like. I've had to abandon many of my immature and childlike ways of thinking, and grow up to make the decisions and live with those choices. But the thought that I've been going through the motions and have lost the joy that I once had is the most terrifying thing in the world.
When you really think about it, it makes seance. I work, I come home, I sleep. Throw Rizn and church in there and that's all I have. I don't have the same friends who always wanted to hang out with me. In fact, I really don't have too many friends up here. I'm really good at pretending that I have everything under control, but this is the point that the gloves come off.
I've never been one for New Years resolutions, simply because people make them for the sake of making them, and don't have the motivation to keep up with them for more than a week. This time, I have the motivation. I don't want to sit and just let my life pass me by. I refuse to have another year where I can't even remember anything substantial that I did for an entire month, because I was somewhere out of place. I'm not going to have another time looking back, and realizing that some if my favorite moments of the year were the times that I got to call and skype with the friends back home who mean the most to me.
So I'm breaking the pattern.
I'm coming back home.
Something that isn't valued up here as much as it is in Chicago is post Post-Secondary education. It's pretty acceptable to not go to college, or simply go to a trade school. It's kind of rare to leave Edmonton for school. In fact, most of the kids who attend college still live with their parents. I've known since freshman year that that mentality was not for me. Next year, I will be back in Chicago at North Park University, majoring in Education and Youth Ministry and minoring in Theatre. I have a lot of obstacles to pull through to make that work, and it's only going to get more complicated. But this is what I want. Surely not what the culture surrounding me wants, but I've had to gain the confidence to look at MY life, and decide what I want, rather than basing it off of others. This is a decision which I have struggled with for the past 3months. I've tried talking myself out of it, trying to make myself believe that I didn't need to go to college, anything that would keep me from actually solidifying my desires.
Which is why I've finally brought this out in the open. I have the push to go home. I want to go back more than anything. But what about the times when figuring out logistics gets impossible? Or when crunching the numbers doesn't turn out the way it should? Who's to say that I'll just sit back here as let another year of my life just go right past me?
I refuse to let that happen, and am putting my ambitions out so that I may be held accountable to them. I want the most motivation possible to drive me back to where I belong, and it's not a journey that I can take on my own. I'll need the most support possible to make my ambitions a reality, but that's something I'm okay with.
Chicago, I can't wait to see you soon.